


Maybe it's all I've known

by awesome_goddess_of_mischief



Series: Angsty Tony One-Shots [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arc Reactor, Gifts, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Insecure Tony, Insecurity, M/M, Money, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4182801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesome_goddess_of_mischief/pseuds/awesome_goddess_of_mischief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony loves Steve and Steve loves Tony. But those damn presents all the time...<br/>Steve does not want Tony to spend as much money on him and Tony doesn't understand. How is he suppose to be useful now? And how can he ever repay Steve?</p><p>((Another Angsty Tony one shot, this is in no way related to the other fics in this series))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe it's all I've known

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a happy fic. Tony is rather fucked up. He seriously needs help.  
> Be careful, his mind is not a happy place. See the end notes for spoilers about what kind of angst.

It was their one year anniversary.

And at the moment Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were driving to the gift Tony got Steve. Steve had given Tony a painting of the iron man armour. It was beautiful and awesome and Tony hung it above his fireplace the second he opened it.

Tony loved Steve very very much. As in the sickingly cute way. But he had no idea what to give him. Or well, he did have a few ideas, but none of them were enough. He loved Steve so much, he had no number to express it in.

Tony liked numbers. And he liked knowing what someone was worth. He knew what he himself was worth. Every idiot with google did. But he just knew Steve was worth more than he could ever afford. So he... bought Steve an island for their anniversary.

The inventor had been bouncing excitedly as Steve opened the envolope with the paperwork. He only had to sign and he would own an island with an awesome villa on it near Greece. Steve huffed and had put the paper aside before giving him a long rant about waisting money on useless matters.

Tony felt stupid. Of course Steve would never want an island. Sadly it only got worse from there on...

 

He bough a yacht. "We live in New York!" A house. "We _live_  in New York." A collection of expensive suits, watches, cufflinks, ties... "I have clothes, Tony." Another island. "We have been over this..." A museum. "Tony..." Steve made him return all the presents, saying he didn't need it. He always said "I appreciate the gesture Tony, but please return it and use the money for something useful." And so Tony slowly got lost. Because Steve was getting more annoyed with each passing gift, and Tony was running out of ideas.

So when Steve eventually snapped, he locked himself away in his lab. He had tried to give Steve a valentine's day gift. He had imported the best chocolate and champagne and flowers. He had let a decorator fly in and decorate the living room. He had a chef cook a seven course dinner. And Steve had just frowned slightly. And when Tony gave him the keys to a brand new Porsche? Steve got angry.

"That's it. Tony, we've talked about this. I don't want expensive gifts. When would I need a car? I have a bike. Or else I would just borrow one of your dozens of cars. Tony, I don't want you spending that much useless money!" He snapped.

Tony had calmly walked away. He didn't run. He walked. Fast. A small part of his brain new what Steve had meant, he grew up in the depression and thought there were more important matters to spend the money on. But all he had heard was "useless money". Tony looked at his hands.

Billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist. A philanthropist wasn't really a big deal these days. Every famous person called himself that. Playboy, he had left those days behind when he started dating Steve. Genius, Steve could barely understand ten percent of what he did. It left billionaire. The only thing he had to offer to Steve had been his money. He thought that if he could give him all he wanted, he might stay.

But Steve didn't want his money. Which left the question, what did he want? Tony didn't know. He went over the titles again... But no matter how he twisted and turned, he couldn't figure it out.

Iron man? Maybe Steve dated him because he was Iron Man? Iron Man was a hero... Maybe Steve liked dating a hero? That had to be it. So he took a deep breath and walked back to the living room to apologise like a big boy. And he promised Steve he would return the car and get him something more appropriate. Steve seemed happy with that. So he was on the right track.

Only Tony still didn't know what to give him. Iron Man merchandise? No. Mmm... He had to give Steve something that showed how much he loved him. He could never afford Steve. He loved him too much. But he could try.

 

He actually set up all the paperwork himself. Partly because it seemed appropriate, and partly because he didn't want anyone to know. And with anyone he meant Pepper.

A week later he was done. And he finally could give Steve something worthy. And now he sounded like Thor... Anyway, he handed his boyfriend the pile of paperwork and a pen, and he waited. It took a while before Steve realised what the huge folder of contracts meant.

"Tony... Are you insane?"

Oh no.

"You are giving me your _company_??" Steve threw the folder on the table and looked at Tony who was trying to shrink in his seat. Or be swallowed by the floor.

"I'm sorry." He said in a small voice. "I know it's still not enough. But it's all I have." He whispered and kept his eyes on the floor. "It's not just my company, it's also my private accounts. Stocks. Everything. Even the tower. And it's still not enough. I... The last one... It's... I..." He took a deep breath but he just couldn't get his words out.

Steve looked shocked and pale. But he didn't say anything, just grabbed the folder again and looked at the last page. The captain almost choked on a sob. "The suits..." He whispered.

Tony nodded as his eyes turned moist. "I... Still not enough. I can't give you anything else. Everything I own will be yours when you sign. I just... Maybe I can borrow the suits so now and then? I'm sorry I can't offer you anything else Steve... I wish I was worth a little more." He whispered and was shaking slightly.

Steve got up and threw the folder in the fireplace without a second hesitation. "No Tony." He whispered pained. Oh. It was still not enough. This was it then. He couldn't offer more. He had gone all-in. And he had lost. As he looked down he realised something.

There was something he hadn't given yet. "Wait... I... I can add something." He whispered desperately. He pulled his shirt up and swallowed thickly as he looked at the arc reactor. "I can add this to the paperwork. It's worth millions." He whispered and he tried to get it out. He tried to twist the mechanism that would rip his heart out. But it wouldn't turn.

His hands were shaking too badly. He didn't want to die. He just had to give Steve-

Large hands were covering his and pulled his hands away. Good. Steve could do it for him. Tony closed his eyes and tried not to think of Obi. This was different. It would only hurt for a little while. Then suddenly his shirt was pulled down and he was pulled against a warm, broad, chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Was Steve crying? And why was he apologising? That didn't make any sense. "I should have realised it sooner. Pepper warned me... I'm such an idiot." Tony stayed silent. He had no idea what was going on.

"Tony... Please look at me." Steve whispered. And how could Tony do anything but listen. He looked up at Steve his teary eyes.

"I... I'm sorry." Tony whispered. He didn't know what he was apologising for. But Steve was upset. So he probably did something wrong.

"No. Tony... Don't apologise. I'm sorry. Pepper told me about you buying much too expensive gifts... And I should have realised..." Steve mumbled. He held Tony's face between his hands and looked him in the eyes. "Anthony Edward Stark. I love you. _You_. Not Iron Man. Not your billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist persona. I want just Tony. The guy who learnt how to make an omelet just for me. And the guy who wakes up next to me looking adorable. The guy who stopped drinking for me. And the guy who is wonderfully sarcastic. Who loves me for every crack. I love you Tony. And I don't want anything from you, besides your heart. Your metaphorical heart." He quickly added. "Not your reactor."

Tony blinked. And blinked again. "You... You don't want my money." He said softly.

"I don't want your money." Steve confirmed.

"But... What do I give you?" He asked in a small voice. "How about for valentines, you make me an omelet, give me a rose. And we'll have hot morning shower sex." Steve said calmly.

"That's... That sounds really nice." Tony whispered. It was so simple. But... Maybe simple was good. So they did just that.

And of course Tony had eggs imported from no one know where. And of course the rose was really expensive and perfect and might have been covered in diamant dust. But, Steve knew, it was Tony's way of showing him he loved him. It wasn't his fault he was raised with the thought that money was the most important thing in the world.

But Steve would change that. Steve would show him the good in the small things in life. And Tony would learn.

 

Except his cars. And his shower. He was _not_  getting a crappy shower.

**Author's Note:**

> At some point Tony tries to take his reactor out. It's not done with the pure intention of killing himself, he more like accepts it as a consequence. Although he is not thinking clear at the moment.  
> If you think that will trigger you, skip on this one, lovelies.


End file.
